Crappiest "Nice" Rejection Ever

So I just got a rejection in my inbox. Big deal, happens every few days. But this one struck me as different. It was supposed to be nice. It went on, and on, and on, but it wasn't personalized. It's not like it was constructive feedback. It was just the agent listening to herself talk. Here's the part that got me:

"Thank you for sharing your work with me. I know that writing a book is a time-consuming and emotional process, so I appreciate the effort you have expended to reach this point in your publishing journey. Alas, I must reject what you have been kind enough to submit. I only add a handful of new writers to my client roster each year, so I search for a unique voice, finely-honed writing skills, stellar world building talent, characters that jump off the page and a story that pulls me in from the first word and doesn't let go. I know that's a lot to ask for, but..."

Here's where I get irritated. Because you know where my mind goes? It goes to "I know that's a lot to ask for. I'd accept even three out of five of those criteria, but your crappy book has none of those things, loser." I doubt that's what she meant, but please verbose agent. Consider your audience. (And sidebar: OMG, did she actually use the word "Alas"? Seriously?)

As Janet Reid would say, here's where I stop reading. Form rejection of your rejection. And I'm not bitter. Not at all. I just don't like to hear people go on and on and on about nothing while they're rejecting me. Just say no. I can take it.

I'm so over this whole agent acquisition thing. I'm just going to send out a new query whenever I get rejected by someone but otherwise focus on the writing of my next WIP. I made a nice dent in it last night, and I'm so excited to be writing again, not obsessing over who I'm ultimately going to hire as an agent. You know, assuming I ever have someone who wants to be a candidate for the job.